So, we stopped. We rammed everything in the car, had a brief argument about needing a bigger car and a long argument about everything else (I say argument but really it's just me letting off steam and Euan being reasonable) and when the argument was over we had arrived at my haven, Press Mains Farm and were settling into the kind of country cottage I hope we'll live in for real one day!
Sometimes we're a family who love watching birds, tramping around a farm to admire the puddles and tractors and chat to the cows. We're raising a boy who tells farm animals to put their hoods up when it rains and yells at rabbits, "get back here cheeky boy" and proclaims his dinner was "not bad at all" with all the gravity of an old man. We're a family with a baby who smiles almost all the time he's awake and feeds so well that I'm fairly sure he squished the hole in his heart closed with the weight of his gorgeous cheeks.
We use washable everythings to reduce our carbon footprint, our toddler can sort recycling, we try our best to be kind to everyone and we talk about the big bad world in a way that will make our boys think of difficulties as challenges rather than problems. And when I take a step back and realise all this instead of giving myself a hard time, I look all glowy and at peace...