I haven't written here for weeks and weeks. No particular reason, I've noticed that when someone asks what I've been up to the answer is invariably the same, "just hanging out with the boys". I'm not complaining, it's a pretty sweet deal getting to be home with these hunks. But there's no getting away from the fact that this is the toughest job I've ever had and I'm my own harshest ever manager.
Don't get me wrong, my bosses are generally happy with my performance. The tiny one is content to be snuggled, be fed and occasionally get to roll around with a bare bum. He's a little more shouty if my boobs aren't conveniently placed for him at night but he's a second baby and therefore benefits from me embracing co-sleeping to avoid disturbing the other boss.
Sam would be thrilled to be handed the remote control and a large selection of snacks but that's where the harsh line manager kicks in. I freely admit to putting a couple of programmes on for him when I need to get the washing on, get the dinner on, bath the baby, chase the escaped rabbit, put more washing on and occasionally visit the bathroom on my own. But when my bright bouncy boy gets transfixed in front of the screen and can recite the ceebeebies afternoon lineup, I do tend to feel a smidge guilty.
So I turn into a cruise director and after playgroup (Sam is going three mornings a week and I'm confident he'll be running the place by Christmas, but that's a story for another day) or after toddlers, I try to make sure we have a walk or a visit or an activity planned.
I'm a big fan of free learning and I love watching Sam's brain tick over with new things or his face light up when we revisit a place or do something for the second time. I also love that he'll start chatting to me on a Wednesday about something that happened the previous weekend.
The chat this morning was about our trip to Ikea to choose his big boy bed. We were there on Saturday and he asked me when Friday was because we told him that's when the bed is arriving. He doesn't miss a trick. I'm hoping for a smoother ride than the last time we attempted to move him out of the cot.
I'm also hoping he'll find it harder to dismantle than his toy chest!